Elucubrație 67- Forgive me

Elegie...

My emptiness is a void

Or an abstract dimension 

Filled with minor notes.

An abstract dimension that

Abstracts itself further

And further

Until it remains something that

I can no longer understand.

But I can compare it to an

Elegy 

For cello and piano.

The absence of words,

The vacuum of absurdity,

The pain of passion,

The... lack of proper 

Description.

Everything is nothingness.

Nothingness is my entire

Being.

Look at me, look at me!

I order you

To look at me!

You, cold and sorrowful image

Of happiness and hope,

Of youth and imagination!

Look at me, but not with your

Anguished pity,

But with envy,

With a deadly envy...

For I have died.

And I have touched

The freedom of silence

And I have tasted

The drug of solitude...

***

I have nothing to tell the lovers,

Nothing to tell the parents,

Nothing to tell the children,

Nothing more to tell God.

I have, however, so much

To tell myself.

I have forgiven them all,

However, I cannot but hate myself.

For each sin, for each drop of vanity,

For each gaze into temptation,

For all the pain I have sown 

In others.

For all the... for everything!

I have condemned my being

At existing.

What more of a punishment is 

On this earth?

Nothing is worse than being

Without the possibility of

Living.

And I accept, I do accept by this

All the consequences of my

Imperfection.

Forgive me too, I beg,

So that the poet can

Write about the warmth of my tears

And so that the painter can

Picture me smiling...